How To Keep Things In Perspective

I have four smart, healthy, kind, handsome sons.

(One is my “bonus son,” my husband, Brian’s, teenager.)

I have a kind, caring, and adventurous husband. We live in a spacious home with two dogs, a cat, a fish and our sons, including my 18-year-old son who, for 6 years, I had almost no contact with. He now lives with me full time while attending college.

I have a thriving business, Oak Street Social, a social media agency that my partner and I built from the ground up with no investors, no financial backing, no debt; just blood sweat and tears. I also have several fulfilling side projects that feed my creative soul and love for entrepreneurship.

I come from an incredibly close and caring family. I have a mother and father, married for decades, who support me in everything that I do. I have two sisters and a brother who are always there when I need them.

I also have four sons who don’t do their laundry, don’t understand how to properly clean a toilet, and have to be begged -- or coerced-- to do their chores.

My husband wants to help and he does a little, but... housework is not his thing.

When my two sons from a previous marriage came to live with me full time in July of this year, they brought their two adult dogs. I adore these two dogs, truly, however, they create havoc in our household.

The Shiba Inu, Griffey, seems to have regressed with his potty training. The Siberian Husky, Loki, also known affectionately as “my beast,” a nod to his love and loyalty for me, sheds absolutely everywhere with no end in sight. It seems like our home and everything we own is covered in fur, no matter how often I vacuum and clean.

Keeping my house clean is important to me because I want my kids to live in a place that feels clean, cozy and safe, as I did growing up. It’s an understatement to say that I’m struggling to keep up.

My job is very demanding and the stakes for being successful are high as I’m the primary breadwinner in my household; my husband is a police officer.

And no matter how hard I try to be a good parent, almost every day, I make a mistake of some kind and almost every morning, I pray to have the patience, kindness, and wisdom necessary to be the kind of parent that my children deserve.

Many days it feels like I barely have the time to brush my hair much less cook a healthy vegan dinner and work out for an hour. I have it all and I know it …and yet, some days, I struggle to keep up with it all.

Depending on which of the above “versions” of my life I choose to focus on, I’m either incredibly blessed or unbelievably overwhelmed. That’s why perspective is everything.

As we go through this life, there’s nothing we can control other than our attitude and how we deal with what life throws at us. Perspective is a game-changer. It’s the only thing you can choose.

You can choose to focus on the good or you can choose to focus on the bad. There’s no doubt it takes discipline to focus on the good, but it can be done. For me, it’s typically an easy decision although, naturally, I have my moments.

The biggest gift that the universe has given me is eternal optimism. I’m so grateful for my ability to look at what is good in most situations and focus on the positive.

And, on the days that I do get frustrated or angry or feel overwhelmed, I bounce back quickly and I’m able to recharge my battery, count my blessings, and get back on track.

Here are my 3 tried and true tricks for keeping life in perspective…

Find the Silver Lining. 

It sounds trite but it’s a skill you can actually train yourself to master. When shitty things happen to you, or even just mildly annoying ones, focus on the good that you’re getting out of it. 

For example, when I’m sick, like with a nasty cold or flu, I focus on the fact that I’m usually healthy and I thank the universe for my good health. I have done this so frequently, it’s second nature to me. Here’s my perspective: Being sick is a wonderful way to be reminded of the good health I am often graced with. I am grateful for that reminder. 

If something goes wrong at work, I typically focus on the solution and I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to try new things and grow EVEN though that means I will make mistakes along the way. I am grateful to have the opportunity to learn from my mistakes and lucky that I have the intelligence and resourcefulness to come up with solutions for the problems that face me. 

I believe that this silver lining thinking is what builds resilience. I believe that resilience is what gets you through some of life’s toughest challenges. (As they say, the only way out is THROUGH!) 

And, I should know. In the course of a gruesome divorce, I lost almost everything that was important to me including my kids, my business, my life’s savings and my dignity. Resilience, hope, and focusing on the positives even when they were few and far between is what helped me climb out of the hole I was thrown into and rebuild my life.

Express Gratitude

Once you’ve learned how to SEE things to be grateful for, the next step is to express that gratitude. 

Start each day by writing down the things you’re grateful for. 

Also, feel free to talk to yourself -- I do it all the time! (As my husband will attest.)

For example, if I trip and almost fall down the stairs instead of thinking, “Shit I’m such a klutz,” I think to myself, “I’m so grateful that I caught myself and didn’t get badly hurt.” And yes, I even say it out loud. I thank the universe OUT LOUD for the little blessings I see around me all day long.

When I get stuck in traffic, I try to remind myself that the universe has a reason to slow me down. I have learned that the very things we see as unwelcome roadblocks on our journeys typically end up being divine detours. 

It’s been said before that you can only connect the dots in retrospect, so don’t try to second guess where you’re headed! Instead, try just being grateful for the things you see along the way.

Take Responsibility! 

There’s so much power in taking responsibility for your life.

It may seem like a dichotomy, but it’s not. You don’t take responsibility for the end result, after all, you’re not puppeteer of the universe. But what you do take responsibility for are YOUR actions and YOUR reactions.

Treat yourself with grace and kindness, knowing that you will make mistakes on the way, but owning your thoughts, words, and behavior. 

Embrace the fact that you have the power to change everything... absolutely everything!

You and you alone can change the dynamic in personal relationships, family, career, and more. You can’t control other people, you can’t manipulate the end result, but you can look at every situation you’re faced with and accept your responsibility, the part you play. 

That includes giving yourself credit for all the little things that you do magnificently as well as giving yourself the encouragement you need to make the changes that will help build a life you love. Just make sure you keep it all in perspective.